E.M.O. Ch 5: The Understood

Just as Em wiped the last spill off of the table, the doorbell rang. She jumped, still not used to the sound. Once she had recovered, she went to it and opened it.

Max stood there, staring, confused by the door that had seemingly come open by itself. From behind the door, the top half of a face slowly peeked out, eyes wide, fingers wrapped around the side of the door, gripping tightly and nervously.

"Um…hi?" Max said, breaking the familiar silence between them.

"Hey…" Em replied, tensely and barely audible.

"Uh…so…can I come in?" Max asked, wondering how long he'd be standing on the doorstep.

"Oh! Sorry!" Em panicked, unsure of what to do when having company over.

"Oh, no problem," Max said, strolling in casually. "So, should we just, like, get started?" he asked, looking around Em's living room.

"I…I guess?" Em stuttered.

"Uh, well, what were your thoughts on it?" he questioned, his eyes still scanning the room.

Em had to pause to think of what the assignment had been exactly, but remembered the question quickly, along with her answer. "Um, well…" she started, trying to verbalize her thoughts, "I think she probably has, like, you know, a good reason for how she is…"

"Oh, wow!" Max blurted out, nearly cutting Em off again, a bad habit of his that she had taken note of, along with the subsequent mini-heart attack she got every time he did it, "That's, like, the same thing I was thinking. I mean, who knows her reason for being how she is? We don't. We don't know her, nor do we know what she's been through, so how can we even begin to judge her?!" his voice picked up, getting more and more passionate as he went along.

Em sat, dumbfounded by not only Max's way of thinking, but the passion with which he believed in it. Could it be that this person actually went through life without judging anyone at all? Was that…possible? Did that kind of person even exist?

"Um, are you okay?" Max questioned, waving his hand in front of Em's eyes.

Em shook herself out of her trance, realizing she'd been staring blankly, her mouth slightly agape. "Oh, um, yeah, I'm fine," she answered, looking down at her lap, embarrassed.

"Oh, okay, just checking," Max explained. "Anyway, like I was saying, there's just no way we can judge her without living her life, or at least being there with her through it all. I mean, could you imagine having people finalize their opinion of you, with no intention of even getting to know you on a deeper level first?"

Em froze, her head still down, hair hanging down between her and Max, hands balled into tight fists in her lap. Unseen to Max, her eyes were wide in emotional shock from Max's question. He had struck a nerve in her that even she herself didn't know was so sensitive.

"Yeah," she said in a weak, trembling voice.

"…Huh?" Max asked, confused and slightly worried by her change in tone.

"You asked if I could imagine it," Em clarified, her voice still shaking. "Yeah, I can."

Max saw a drop of water fall onto her knee and realized she had started crying.

"Going to school every day, already knowing what'll happen. If they aren't looking at you like you're some sort of alien, they're backing away from you like you have some kind of disease. If they aren't treating you like you're contagious and quarantined, they're whispering about you behind your back, theorizing about who you might be instead of talking to you to find out who you really are," Em ranted.

"Em…" Max said, under his breath, seeing tears streaming down her cheeks as she looked up.

"It's like they think I can't hear their whispering," she went on, her voice trembling even more, "But I can. I can hear the things they say, the labels they stick to me: 'Weirdo,' 'Freak,' 'Outcast,' 'Emo.' I may not be as 'normal' as everyone else, whatever the hell that means, but I'm still just as human…aren't I? I…I mean, I feel, don't I? I…I think, right? So…so don't I…count? Don't I, like, qualify? Why…" she said, hanging her head down again, her voice quieted, "why can't I…why can't I just be…myself?"

Max looked on as her voice faded and trailed off. He felt something well up inside of him; not only sympathy or sadness, but anger as well: anger at those who had judged her, anger at those who had shunned her, anger at those who had mistreated her with out even trying to know her first. If only they could see what they were doing to her. He didn't even know this girl all too well, but something in him couldn't stand seeing someone being treated so unfairly like this. Most of her questions had been simple to answer. She was just as human as anyone else; he had seen her shyness, her clumsiness, the same things other people had. She did feel; he was seeing her pain and her sadness right at that moment. She did think; he had heard her thoughts about 'The Shrew,' as well as her thoughts about her own life. She did qualify, as far as he was concerned. So why couldn't she just be herself? What made her so unacceptable? What made her so strange? What made her so different from anyone else? He couldn't understand it, and it burned him, infuriated him, saddened him. What right did anyone have to decide for themselves what another person had to be in order to deserve fair treatment? He felt himself get up and go to her without even thinking about it.

Once she'd started to calm down and get a hold of herself, Em noticed arms tightly wrapped around her. She considered breaking free and pushing Max away, but changed her mind. She found that she didn't actually want him to let go. For the first time in a long time, she felt protected from everyone that ever hurt her.

"Why…" she asked, in a whispered voice.

"I don't know," Max answered. "I guess people just don't always think about how they're treating others."

"…I meant why are you holding me…" Em clarified, her voice almost back to normal, but still a little raspy.

"Oh, uh…" Max stuttered, moving away quickly and starting to blush with embarrassment. "Sorry about that. I didn't even realize I had started hugging you…"

"Yeah, well, pay more attention to what you're doing!" Em snipped in a cold, bitter, caustic voice.

"Look, I'm really sorry," Max apologized again, "I didn't mean any…"

He stopped short as he heard something like a snicker coming from Em's direction. She looked up and burst out laughing.

"Um…is there something funny?" Max asked, confused by her outburst.

"Yeah," she answered, still snickering, "I was kidding."

Max breathed a sigh of relief. She had actually made him a bit nervous. He looked at her and noticed she was smiling. Thinking back, it was the first time he'd ever seen her smile, and, unbeknownst to him, the first time anyone had in a long while. It was a warm, friendly smile, in contrast with the rest of her usual appearance.

"Oh, wow, not cool," Max protested, starting to laugh along with Em's contagious laughter.

"Sorry," Em giggled, "had to lighten the mood," she reasoned jokingly, sticking her tongue out at Max.

"Oh, okay. At least you meant well," he laughed sarcastically, glancing at the clock on his phone. "Ah, I've gotta go," he sighed, "but, um, maybe we could, like, hang out again later?"

"Um, sure," Em stuttered, still caught off guard by the idea that someone would want to spend time with her, and even more so by the idea that someone would want to do it more than once. "I mean, if you want…"

"Oh, awesome. I'll see you later then, "Max said, smiling as he hurried out the door.

"Alright, bye then," Em called out, as Max hurried away, down the street, as she closed the door behind him.

"Bye!" she heard him yell back, just before she had shut the door all the way.

Em slipped her hand through the nearly closed door and waved in his general direction before she shut it all the way. She laughed again as she walked back to her room to find something to take up the rest of her Sunday.

"Maybe I'll work on some drawings…" she thought to herself as she closed her bedroom door.